So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
