..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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