he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sorry about my life...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
