i was born a porn star she said
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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