guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
