how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
