he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
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My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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