You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
