Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
