i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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