I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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