I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
