Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
