2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize