he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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