How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
