Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
