I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
