Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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