No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
