I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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