And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
