Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
