allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
