i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
