I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
