it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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