im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
