I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
