any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
