When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
