i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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