Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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