You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
