i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
