I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
