Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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