is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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