It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
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She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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