i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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