I am full of burrito and curiosity
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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