omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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