youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
