I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
