She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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