She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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