the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
