He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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