your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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