No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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