I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
