I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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