2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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