Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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