I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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