Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
