she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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