I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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