There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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