I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm jealous of your bromance
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
