Jerry, you need to find god
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
