Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
