Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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