god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
