If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
