My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
