we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so let's talk penis.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
