When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
