Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
