And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
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I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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